i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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