Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
