Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
