I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
