Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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