Yo dont text me then not text me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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