moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
