Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
