Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize