ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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