Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
