my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
