Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
