im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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