both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
