I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Even my vagina gasped.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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