I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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