I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
