i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just forgot I was standing up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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