I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Life is so much better after having sex.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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