If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
