Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
