We need to start having sex underwater more often.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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