and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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