omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
did i walk over a car last night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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