I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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