Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize