I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
