So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
