Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
