So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
