he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
