I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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