Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
