i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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