1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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