Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize