I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He passed out mid-signature
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
