just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
