In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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