bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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