Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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