you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
