According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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