can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
