Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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