So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
