is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
