They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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