Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
