I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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