Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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