finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
