i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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