He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
