people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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