M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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