My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
