see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
