Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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