i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
