11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
