It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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