im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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