Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
