I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
