his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
