Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
