my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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