I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
