ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
