last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
