You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
