I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
