Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
