I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
