Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
