a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
