is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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